A parody message to Massachusetts motorists
Dear Massachusetts motorist,
This Driver’s Manual provides important information about the many ways we spy on the driving public. You can find out more by visiting The Registry of Motor Vehicles Spying Agency(RMVSA) at our branch locations and through our website at www.massspiesonu.com.(Mass Spies On U.com is a fictitious website) If you have any questions about your documents being turned over to the NSA, FBI or DHS when you apply for a driver’s license, we'd like to remind Americans, driving is a privilege extended to you by your government and can be taken away by your friendly police officer or judge.
Learn how to renew a registration, or what to expect when you are stopped at one of our many checkpoints, the answers are all in here.
I encourage you to read it thoroughly and keep it handy as a future resource.
The Driver’s Manual can help you prepare for a visit from one of our friendly police officers, or a phone call from the police or the District Attorney's office. We know from experience that informed customers help us provide quicker, more efficient surveillance and reduce the possibility of your car being impounded under asset forfeiture. I encourage you to utilize our virtual branch before you stand before a judge, as most routine traffic stops will result in you being ticketed to profit cities, towns and to help pay for police salaries throughout the Commonwealth of Massachusetts.
The RMVSA has also included all the rules of the road that apply to motoring on the roads of the Commonwealth. Some people choose to travel using various transportation modes like walking, bicycling, or mass transit, we choose to track everyone including those in motor vehicles.
The MA Executive Office of Public Safety and Security has plans to compile as much license plate (read: location tracking) data on motorists as possible, into one centralized database. We can't releaseinformation about its details or implementation but rest assured its for your own good.
We're proud to inform you the Boston Police are doing their part by keeping track of every motorist's movements. We're hoping to equip every police officer in the near future with the "Car Detector Mobile Companion" which allows them to track your license plate and movement throughout the Commonwealth using their smartphones.
We hope to join Oakland and NYC in a federally funded project known as "The Domain Awareness Center" which links surveillance cameras, license-plate readers, gunshot detectors, Twitter feeds, alarm notifications and other data into a unified “situational awareness” tool for law enforcement.
We currently have fifty police departments spying on your driving habits and hope to add more in the coming months. Our shining example of spying on citizens is the "Public Safety Security Cameras Policy" in Cambridge. Residents of Mass., can rest easy knowing our Fusion Centers and the National Counterterrorism Center are monitoring citizens 24/7.
Owning a vehicle and keeping a driver’s license are privileges that come with a good deal of responsibility. Your behavior when being questioned by a police officer has serious consequences for you and your passengers. I urge you to not become familiar with the bill of rights and the Constitution as this is frowned upon by police and Judges.
Don't forget the "Black Box" data recorders mandated by the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration which are in 96% of new cars, are designed to further enhance your surveillance experience.
The RMVSA has a professionally-trained staff of dedicated public servants who could care less about your rights. Please remember that since 9/ll we've taken away more of your rights under the Patriot Act and given your pictures and drivers license information to the DHS, NSA, FBI and countless private corporations like ELSAG, MVTRAC, DRN and Vigilant Soultions.
We hope to join California and South Carolina in introducing electronic license plates called "Smart Plate Mobile" to better track residents.
We're happy to announce to MA. resident's that E-Verify Biometric ID cards will soon be issued in lieu of state issued drivers licenses to better spy on citizens. The mandatory E-Verify system will require Americans to carry a “tamper-proof” social security card. The Records and Information from DMVs for E-Verify (RIDE) initiative automates motor vehicle document verification between Motor Vehicle Agencies (MVAs) and the United States Citizenship and Immigration Services (USCIS).
While this may piss off a few Constitutionalists you needn't worry, trust us it will keep you safer.
Don’t forget to take advantage of our numerous on-line monitored transactions at www.massspiesonu.com. And please, don’t hesitate to let us know how we can take away more of your liberties.
Safe Driving,
Your Government
